I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
