Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
