Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
