You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
