summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
