i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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