You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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