Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
