i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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