i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
