If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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