I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize