I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
