If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
