Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
