What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So squirting runs in the family.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
