Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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