Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
