I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
