Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
