last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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