Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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