ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
