Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
