i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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