Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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