You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
