I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
there is glitter all over my balls
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
