my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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