We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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