You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
