yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
