Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
