he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
