I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize