I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
