11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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