your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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