I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
