Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
