I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
