DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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