i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
did i walk over a car last night?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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