Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
