dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
