Its about making memories worth repressing
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
