Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
