he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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