so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
