Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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