So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
