how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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