is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
