Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize