your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Randomize
