Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
