And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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