when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
