Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?

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(407): View more from Florida

you definitely have a few illegitimate kids

(1-407): View more from Florida

probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine

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(517): View more from Michigan

dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.

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(231): View more from Michigan

I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.

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(631): View more from New York

My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once

(1-978): View more from Massachusetts

Good point.

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(207): View more from Maine

if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog

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