i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dear god my vagina.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
