Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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