Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
