I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
True college students do jello shots in the library
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
