she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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