Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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