3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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