somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
