GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
your like the ambassador to my penis.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
